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We Can Start Over Again

I've been applying for about 10 different jobs a day, on average, and I've only received about two or three replies that have seemed promising. If there's a God, he definitely doesn't want me to fly overseas and be happy for once. Of course, even if there was, I couldn't blame him for all my ills, because they're all self-caused? Car accidents and repair costs notwithstanding? Maybe?

Although, all this abundant free time allows me to catch up on my writing, my reading and my Mad Men watching. I really hope they make more of this thoroughly brilliant series. It's cerebral, it's visceral and it's got really, really hot women in lead roles. How I pine for the early '60s...

Chuck has been entertaining (with obligatory arse-kicking hot girl in lead role - what's not to like) if not a complete ripoff of Reaper with a slicker, "spy vs. spy" dramatic edge. I'm also really into the "Quack Experimental Anime" Excel Saga at the moment... What's it like? I guess you'll just have to see for yourself.

As for my oft-garbled state of mind? Well, this song kind of sums it up at the moment:

Jesus died and God's gone missing / Take your skin off it might fit me now
Love is dead and you're so pretty, baby / You still need my hands to feel
You still need my heart to bleed / 'Cause your lips taste just like money

(Kent - Just Like Money)


To Elyse

You are sweet as.

- Tom


Weepy and Ridiculous

I sort of unconciously conducted an experiment after I set up my Gmail - I told myself that I wouldn't delete anything from it. So I have thousands upon thousands of emails, all saved away. Since I had nothing to do, I went through them, messages from friends laying out my history neatly and unobtrusively. I saw relationships blossom and wither, jobs come and go and in some instances see things stay the same. For someone that thinks affection, be it heterosexual or otherwise as being totally "gay" (it's even painful for me to give out minor compliments) it really did open my eyes as to how important some people are to me and those who have been merely peripheral, background players.

Looking back, I remember thinking that breakups and falling outs were 'completely horrible' and as such, making me 'weepy and ridiculous.' I've only been 'weepy and ridiculous' a few times in recent memory and I always regret it feeling that way because there was no just cause to. I'm trying ever so hard not to be 'weepy and ridiculous', but recent money troubles and a certain plane ticket inching ever farther from my grasp actually made me rather 'weepy and ridiculous' the other night. I guess that spoke louder than words, since the usual pang of accompanying regret still hasn't come, nor do I feel it ever will. I felt genuinely 'weepy and ridiculous.' Now that's something.


Whence and Wither Goes the Wind

I would like to offer my sincere condolences to the family and friends of Neal Anthony Kooistra, a.k.a Denzin, a fellow player of the game Cyber Nations. I had befriended him over the last few weeks and talked with him with some regularity; he will be sorely missed by the CN community at large. May he Rest In Peace.


One of those times

It's one of those days where everyone's using words I understand but are talking in a completely different language to me. I'll say one thing and the response will just be gibberish, cryptic or something I didn't even ask to know. Usually, when my thoughts are cluttered, I liken it to someone pressing a whole lot of typewriter keys down all at once, with only a garbled, incomplete mess striking the page.

It could be a result of my mind going soft because my Summers leave me too much time to think to have any fun, but my only goal right now is to save up enough money to get the hell away from here. Where would I go? To the one place where I know I'm understood, of course. It really is time to start anew.