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Wednesday
Oct192005

Of Reasons and Inquiries

It's rather uncanny. Of all the grand literary exploits that man has embarked upon, the results of which stretch the frontier of imagination to unfathomable bounds, most fringe dwelling netizens are perpetually drawn to the mundane prattlings of the every man in their blogs. Day in, day out, they sit and cathartically express their innermost feelings and heartfelt events to a culture with an excess of downtime. Digital lives projected onto a cold screen, ready for mass consumption by anyone who cares to read it. But the question remains: does anyone actually care whether one's cat has given birth to kittens? Why bother with the vagrancies of trivial, insignificant information of people we barely know - what's the point? Do we gain insight into these lives at all?

Across my various online diaries, I have ceased reporting the happenings of my life - an act of self-imposed censorship due to an overly-sensitive culture of hostile bloggers that demand their own opinions be heard, respected and never challenged. I cannot make a statement that is controversial or easily misinterpretable, negative reprocussions are an inevitable concequence.

Then what is the reason for maintaining this ongoing charade? This identity I allude to in my blogs is not me, yet it is representative of a personality that others have constructed time and again. I am not Crushtor the Robot. I am someone else. Even so, if my ancillary is not me in a literal sense, and other's online consciousness' are not theirs, who is anyone in cyberspace? Who is any one in reality, for that matter? This implicit projective and inferred identification by all has given rise to perceptions that are false and in constant error.

Blogs, then, are not used for recording one's experiences, cultural expression/critique or to construct one's identity (through their own creation or definition or through a mutually renewable opposition), they are merely validators for one's own existence; a reaffirmation that one's own consciousness exists eternally in a narcissistic broadcast to the entire world. Readings into the subtexts of blogs reveal certain images, omissions or connotations are the only true indicator of one's introspective desire; the unconscious reveals itself unwittingly time and again, exposing one's persona stemming from one's own, and one's percieved identity. Despite the restrictions and ridicule, we blog on, recieving strokes from others as if we were dogs begging for scraps underneath a table. And of the myriad subjects within the host of oceanic ideas, we always pick the same one to write about: "Look at me, I exist."

Monday
Sep192005

Daring To Break The Circuit

In my opinion, friendships, genuine ones at any rate, are built upon three elements; loyalty, honesty and respect. I was told this by a transient acquaintance; endearingly psychotic yet full of wisdom. If I could see him again, I would thank him from the bottom of my heart. If one fails, the other two will falter - they exist symbiotically and are ultimately co-dependent. They check and balance on another until one is thrown asunder and the friendship eventually withers and dies. If you lose loyalty, then trust will be withdrawn - the pillar of honesty is then destroyed. The respect is lost, and any mutually inclusive kindness is transformed almost instantly into hatred. I have observed it many times. One year ago, it would sadden me. Now I realize the nature of what I am being transformed into. I almost weep in the cognizance of it all. Now I resign to the realities the anarchic nature of social interaction - from the conscious and unconscious level - and all bonds that I had reached out so desperately to tie have now been severed; and is merely a raindrop falling forth from the blustery storm of progress. One year ago, I was at the bottom of the pit, feeding on the scraps of strokes long forgotten - almost one year to the day where my self-delusion reached its dizzying height. Now I wish i could have realized what I had done, and what was being done to me. C├ęst la vie, I guess.

In lighter news, a new web project is coming along quite nicely, and should be live by the end of this year. Hopefully, the triumvirate that is chipping away at it could possibly turn professional - especially with the quality of design and codework that my colleagues are producing. It's quite exciting...and not in the boring uni-student-trying-to-be-mature kind of way either...

Sunday
Sep042005

Analyzing The Already Exposed Core

I really need a new monitor.

In other news, I have been thinking how social groups operate in relation to transactional analysis, a psychological approach to social interations. And in experience that i've been in, it seems like there is a unconcious core belief that all groups coalesce into, that perpetuates this group mentality long after many of the genuine friendships in their most beneficial sense, have died. Many people in these groups subscribe to overt projective identification, which projects the beliefs of one (X) onto the belief of another (Y) and constructs this person using their own projected thoughts. X may enjoy watching sci-fi with Y, until Y suggests watching a comedy. By projecting X's own love for sci-fi onto Y, they question Y's motives which in reality, run parallel with X's perceptions of Y.

Returning to the core belief system, groups in my view are constructed around a core belief or transaction. In one I have encountered, people band together because they are afraid of rejection and this group provides comfort for them. Another male-dominated group I have encountered is centered around the unconcious approval and cultivation of misogynistic tendencies which is an extension of a possible castration complex (and, it can be said all these males have the aforementioned complex) by mercilessly (and unconciously) poking fun of female sexuality. Another is constructed around an environment of constant validation which will make all members feel "safe" in their own simulated reality in an "I'm OK - You're OK" mentality. Another is accepting of lying and hypocrisy to facilitate members' laviscious conduct in an unquestioning, morally relativistic setting. It's quite interesting to note these things down, and explorations into Psychoanalysis are set to continue. Hopefully I wasn't too off the mark in my lay analyses i've provided. I'm still learning, though.

And in closing, Prince of Persia kicked the shit through Commander Keen. Best, animated sprite, ever.

Friday
Sep022005

Seeping Into Cracks Forgotten

Yeah, I'm oversaturated...I have a blog or website for nearly every aspect of my life, it seems. I think that in the eventual downfall and disconnection of my former environment, this blog will emerge triumphant. My freakin' monitor has gone and munted all over itself. It's like having myopia of the computer, or something. Owweee. It was startling to look at the images in the wake of Hurricane Katrina today, proving that humanity in it's primal resides everywhere, and is not limited to "non-civilised" states that so many people seem to think exist these days.

Yes, cry all you like, because there's more important questions to be asked: what to make of this blog? (yeah, REAL mature.) A smattering of usual crap with a twist of inner-retard embracing panache? Or something more serious and analytical? A rant about how much metal kicks the shit out of every other musical genre? There's a myriad of possibilities...almost...too many. Have fun yo!

Thursday
Sep012005

Enter Acheron

Ahh. Freedom. This is my first post away from the decaying auspices of Livejournal, a life I wish I could depart from. This will be a space to air my opinions, witty commentaries (read: shit), thoughts, ideas, ill-concieved concepts and any other general crap that I see fit to post.

Rock Rock on.

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