The Crushtor.net Metal Awards 2010

Every year, I tend to hand out awards (read: dole out sarcasm and pithy remarks) to individual and collective performances of merit in the metal world. This year is no exception.

The William S. Burroughs Award for Strangest Mix of Genres
Although Shining released Black Jazz this year, an abortive yet intriguing attempt to make "black metal jazz" it has been done before (*cough* Vintersorg *cough*) with varying success. But this year's award goes to Japanese weirdos Sigh for their mix of black metal mock-horror, bright mariachi horns and Western soundtrack strings in their record Scenes from Hell. Of course, they add David Tibet of Current 93 fame to make it even more batshit insane. Good record, though.

The David Hasselhoff Award for Poor Vanity Album Production
The collaboration of melodic metal heavyweights Russell Allen and Jorn Lande (no, that wasn't a crack at their weight) has been successful, yielding now three albums chock full of power metal cheese and 80s prog metal guitar...explosions. But unfortunately, Jorn Lande can scarcely be heard, Mr. Allen singing rings around him. I guess Jorn had better things to do, such as taking his poodle to the manicurist, or something.

The Donald Trump Award for Most Obvious Cash-grab
Though the releases by German progressive ensemble The Ocean merits much praise, their record label, Metal Blade Records are laughing all the way to the bank by releasing their stellar records entitled Heliocentric and Anthropocentric independently of one another, three months apart. Forking out $60AU (retail) for what is essentially a double album sounds ludicrous. Because it is. Therion did it right - in 2004 they released Lemuria and Sirius B together to the delight of all. Of. All.

The Milli Vanilli Award for Strangest Case of Plagiarism
Dimmu Borgir are often maligned for not being "black metal enough" considering their new found popularity and propensity to produce their records to a degree above pitiful. Nevertheless, in their new record Abrahadabara they've opened up a new front from which electronic slings and arrows can be thrown at them - ripping off Aussie pub rock legends and human gyration enthusiasts Midnight Oil. The opening riff from the Demiurge Molecule sounds eerily similar to Power and the Passion. If Peter Garrett finds out, I expect they'll get a tap on the shoulder from Steve Conroy at Soundwave in 2011.

Stay tuned for my top 10 and other 2010 commentary in metal at Metal As Fuck :)

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Incredible Lateness of Being

Living in an uncertain world, we can also face the prospect of time being not only our keeper but our cruel and merciless dictator. A missed appointment, careless mistake and unsent missive can ruin the journey of a life, if we let it. We can move on and take it in a mechanical stride or feel it burn hot inside us and let the emotion well up, cooling as unspent and leaden. Acknowledging the ebb and flow of uncertain time can bring great joy but also a sense of longing and despair.

But then we can create worlds of words that bear no connection to reality. We idealize and are frequently disappointed when the tree bears fruit and despite the sweetness, we taste only bitterness. What seems good at one time can sometimes become ill fitting as time marches on. Sometimes the mismatch of the old map with the new territory aches like being boxed in against our will.

But the constraints are everywhere and freeing ourselves from them can be a Herculean struggle. If we believe that the cause is just, the love is pure or the loss is greater from inaction than from standing up to claim what is ours, then we can overcome it. If we never get what we want, at least we can proudly say that we tried. Even if the timing is off.

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Black Mass, Black Media

A story that I was working on for Metal As Fuck has completely exploded into the mainstream media much to my chagrin. The organizers of the Black Mass Festival in Sydney were forced to find a new venue after the Newtown Returned and Services League (RSL) Club canceled on them after a barrage of Christian lobbyists protested the gig. The organizers and fans were undoubtedly up in arms. But then a few of them got a little stupid, sending death threats to the national president of the RSL, Derek Robson.

Though regrettable, the argument that the RSL curtailed the freedom of these musicians falls very deaf in comparison to the RSL's counter-argument: They all fought and some of their comrades died to protect our freedom. The point being, you have to act very shrewdly when taking on a prominent, national organization with a prestige that is almost unequaled in this country.

The ABC published a story online and also featured it amongst the "top stories" on ABC NewsRadio, replete with an interview with Mr. Robson. One phone call from one of their members can do that - or their PR division. The heavy metal community hasn't even got a one-hundredth of the clout or resources the RSL has or will ever have. That's just the reality of the situation.

Of course, the morons who sent the death threats to Mr. Robson probably didn't have the foresight or knowledge of any of this - they most likely thought the RSL was just a network of pubs that serve cheap drinks. Now they will most likely be visted by nefarious tabloid journalists with steel-capped boots wedged firmly in their front doors, especially when the ABC prints tracts like these, oblivious to the nuances of our particular argot:

"The festival was billed as a "diabolical union of Australia's black metal elite" and was to have featured a "once in a lifetime live ritual and special black mass performance."

The smart option would have been to find co-belligerents - the Secular Party of Australia and other like-minded groups and had them lead the counter-protest on their behalf (since the Black Mass festival is a "fringe" group in terms of the popular consciousness.) The NSW State Government will always favor the RSL, be it Labor or Liberal. If there was a contract signed between the RSL and the Black Mass organizers, the Black Mass, with their added publicity could have found a progressive, secular lawyer to take their case pro bono. The financial burden on the musicians and promoters is now amplified since they will take a massive loss returning money collected for tickets in addition to what has already been spent on flyers, posters, internet advertising, etc.

So some heavy metal fans have protested the wrong way - and that's perfectly normal. We aren't a politically motivated group of people anyway. We just like to rock out, listen to metal and have fun. In the rare cases in which metal and the moral majority collide, metalheads need to draw on the resources they already have - the metal media - to advise them which route to travel to get the best outcome with minimal backlash.

We may be volunteers but we aren't amateurs.

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