Soundwave '13: Periphery w/ Crossfaith at The Esplanade Hotel Gershwin Room (Metal as Fuck)

On the first day of Soundwave Mr. AJ gave to me, djents at a thousand dB...

Melbourne trudged along to Monday, feet grudgingly shuffling toward metal’s coveted prize, the Soundwave Festival four more working days hence. The skies were painted grey, rendering them unfilterable via Instagram, the image capture device of choice for inhabitants of St. Kilda, one of Melbourne’s semi-autonomous hipster regions. Ideally resting on the pristine foreshore, its usually picturesque vista of sun shimmering upon water, leisurely uni students wearing fedoras and peter-pan collar dresses threatened ads for cider or reasonably priced compact cars to be shot there virtually any second and without warning. Fortunately for us, the annual decent of the metalheads kept any coke-bottle bespectacled “creatives” with clunky dSLR necklaces at bay.

Read more at Metal As Fuck.

Archive Review: Lessons With Luis presents: Kidney Kingdom

Originally published at The Pun, April 2012.

Out of the way and next to the Yarra, Signal was a simple venue fitted for the simple lessons from a wide-eyed boy named Luis. Luis was embarking on an adventure to the Kidney Kingdom to find his kindly Father a new kidney. A man with the heart of a boy (his age most likely in single digits) wears knitted op-shop jumpers, his hair neatly slicked back and walks through life overawed by almost everything, adopting an honestly upbeat attitude (until the abstract villain “bad thoughts” attack) all the while faithfully accompanied by his cat, “Cattie.” 

In a delightfully and purposefully inept mission, Luis and family spin a simple children’s tale full of surreal Tim & Eric-isms and sight gags. Luis is joined by his bizarre, cardigan-clad keyboardist father Len (who bears more than a passing resemblance to Neil Hamburger) and his brother Luelin act as stage hand, presumably strongarmed into the role judging from his face plastered with indifference and mute from start to finish.

Lessons with Luis was like staying over at the weird kid’s house for “family story time.” The players’ sing-song naiveté was more than safe for children – they’d delight in holding up cardboard fish as Luis travelled through the ocean and giggled excitedly at the chance to win prizes; it’s quite literally innuendo free.

Despite being pitched at kids, the show from top to bottom ran thick with guffaws and belly-laughs from the adults, especially when Luis interrupted the show to introduce his “lessons” presented in stand-up, audience participation and song. Luis’ cheery and clumsy disposition as he rattled off puns simply added to the humour, a synth-heavy soundtrack faithfully ripped off from low-rent 80s children’s programs adding a whiff of nostalgia to proceedings. Len would interrupt overbearingly insistent that costume changes was “not the interval,” helping Luelin with props and dancing to Frank Sinatra tunes (with the most beautiful girl in the room, plucked not so subtly from the audience)-  even the touching denouement was genuinely heart-warming in its own zany way.

There’s only three more trips through the Kidney Kingdom left, so take the family before the Kingdom closes forever! Highly recommended.

Article: Hysteria Magazine #14 (February/March)

 

If a tired, grubby copy of Australian Hysteria Magazine #14 isn't resting un-comfortably next to your reverse photosynthesis box right now, then you sir (or ma'am) are missing out. I wrote a pile of copy ten miles high that will also put a smile on your face...just as wide. I got Emilie Autumn (pictured), Scott Ian of thrash mensches Anthrax, Black Veil Brides, Danko Jones, Tomahawk and I'm just getting started. Buy in stores around Oz or swallow one online with your tablet machine.

 

Note: must be taken as directed, accompanied with a shot of Bonox to the heart.