Ride on so Wankerous

I'm sick of haters hanging shit on Dragonforce. Its petty, its unfair and its pretentious. "Oh," they exclaim, "Dragonforce is just so wanky and stupid." Here's a list of my reasons for listening to Dragonforce:

  1. They're stupid
  2. They're wanky
"But Tom," they retort in shrill nasal tones, "they just talk shit about dragons and fire and shit." Did this arsehole go out and see "Don't Mess with the Zohan" for its exploration of the human condition and its heart-wrenching pathos? No, you saw it because you wanted a cheap laugh. If you want to air guitar, headbang and squeeze your nutsack (or femcrotch) with one hand while holding a beer aloft like He-Man's powerlance in the other, you listen to Dragonforce. Heaping shit on them because you're a wanker that would've rather seen Dragonforce laughing off the idea of forming themselves in the first place is your problem. Not Dragonforce's.

Indie kids who serve up a slice of a slice of suburban life, reconstituted with a side of angst can go fuck themselves. I'd just as rather tape record myself doing fuck all and play it back at trendy cafes and Brunswick St. bars. Dragonforce, if anything, should be commended for making music that casts no illusions on what they're attempting to create. In that case, Hail Dragonforce!

General Semantics: Guns Don't Kill People and other irrational fallacies

The moral argument against gun ownership is beaten over the skulls of a population with almost unrelenting force; that a gun's primary function "is" to "kill people", when in reality a gun's function is to enable a person to propel a bullet at terrifying speed using its mechanisms. The bullet in the chamber arguably does the "killing" where as the gun itself merely provides the environment and force to give the bullet its highest effectiveness, therefore increasing the probability of the bullet to harm, injure or kill. Even this is debatable, since it is impossible to prove any gun (and the bullet within) is aimed at a human target 100% of the time.

The argument bears similarity to the statement that a Hi-Fi Stereo's function is "to play music" when it does no such thing. A stereo merely provides a mechanism through which recorded media may be played back to a listener. To press further; during sex, a man cannot "give" his partner an orgasm, yet can only stimulate her (or him, as the case may be) until she (or he) reaches that desired state. Semantically, "give" implies the transfer of material or energy; last I checked, the passing of ejaculate, mucous or saliva through a membrane has never caused instantaneous orgasm alone. But I digress.

By leaving out details such as these, we tend to overgeneralize and think irrationally. The object and its adjacency to certain actions does not cause it to have the identity we ascribe it. Oversimplification and judgment, which our society craves in a modern world that dares not probe and ponder, tends to lash out at the shadows and bogeymen crafted in their own imaginations. Since we do not resolutely "live" in an imaginary world, why should we be content to speak its juvenile language?

Hope I Die Before I Get Old

Seriously. Today, I sat round thinking about how much of a fucking bastard i'd become if I grew old. I'm already angry as hell about pretty much everything. Rae and Nat can pretty much testify to that. I sit around bagging out some new trend or fad that has no obvious worth, a product that does nothing or criticizing almost everything that walks past. If I'm already this angry, and if my anger only intensifies exponentially as I grow old, I'll probably end up as one the meanest motherfucking geriatrics that ever walked the Earth. By that time I'll be in my hoverchair™ that speaks three variants of Ching-lese, Engrish and Hindi (stay tuned for that one, folks.) so how bad could it theoretically be? Probably really shit, knowing my view of the world.